Red One Parent Guide

Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans) has turned his general misanthropy and distrust into a profitable career as a mercenary hacker, pulling dangerous jobs for dangerous strangers and barely covering his gambling losses. His last job seemed simple enough, but now angry people are beating down his door for answers, among them the intimidating Callum Drift (Dwayne Johnson).

Turns out, some information Jack supplied enabled a high-profile kidnapping: Santa Clause (J.K. Simmons). Drift is the head of security for the jolly old elf, and he’s determined to recover his red-coated boss. His severe attitude, a talking polar bear, and some good old Christmas magic are enough to convince Jack that Santa is real – and in danger. Now, long-time naughty-list resident Jack is on a mission to help Drift trace his employer and save Christmas.

Ever wondered what the film equivalent of packing foam is? It’s this. Generic, inoffensive, familiar, and tasteless. The plot plods dutifully along from one predictable point to another, dragging the audience behind like a sleigh full of ennui. How a movie with this cast can be this dull is a true mystery, but the filmmakers really excelled at making it as forgettable as possible.

Older kids who can keep up with a kidnapping plot will probably enjoy the frequent Marvel-style fight scenes, but this isn’t a great choice for younger viewers, despite its Kris Kringle references. There are frequent moments of peril on top of the violence, and a little more cussing than you might expect from a family Christmas flick. The two-hour runtime doesn’t fill me with joy, either, since the film has barely enough plot to fill 90 minutes.

Sadly, Red One has all the charm of a McDonald’s Happy Meal^® toy without the meal – brightly colored, plasticky, and forgotten as soon as it slips between the car seats. If you’re just looking for more of the same canned holiday cheer, then this flick delivers it in spades, but if you’ve already seen any Christmas movies, you’ll know all the beats from the get-go. And if the deja-vu doesn’t get you, the saccharine messaging could be enough to have world-weary adults feeling a bit Grinch-y.